Better check up on that tomorrow.

One of the times I treasure the most is when Marc and I go out. Our schedules frequently conflict and it’s always difficult managing at least an hour to be together to do something besides eat lunch together or drop/ pick something up at each others’ houses. Yesterday was one of the days where everything was perfect; no errands or appointments to make—just he and I talking and talking about nothing and everything. I love it. AND NOT TO MENTION WE WENT TO FUCKING OLIVE GARDEN FOR ALL YOU CAN EAT SALAD/ SOUP/ BREADSTICKS!

Although life has been pretty routine-like, the times that throw the mundane order off keeps me sane.

I recently discovered that someone, whom I won’t disclose, deleted me off their friends list on Facebook. Now i know that worrying about something as petty as this was sooo freshman year of high school and that I shouldn’t care whether or not people don’t want to keep in touch, if ever the opportunity arises. But, I feel like with this particular person much more is involved. I mean, we were friends before, and I even remember when she first requested to be my friend on myspace on my birthday and even sent me a sweet birthday message. But every time I would see her at school when she and her friends are around Marc, there is always discrete, awkward tension between she and I. Like the kind of tension when you cross paths with an ex; you can’t really do anything about it but to deal until it’s over.

If anything, I’m worried that I was the one who ensued this de-friending, which I’m terrified of. My parents tell me all the time that i worry too much about what other people think about me and this stems even when i was a kid. I would always ask, “what if i’m not doing it right?” or “will they think i’m stupid if i ______?” But in all honesty, I DO care how others perceive me and it’s difficult for someone who is just socially uncomfortable to deal with someone not liking me. Perhaps it’s because of some socially acceptable inclination that I’ve had growing up. I mean, it was hard moving from place to place and starting school in the middle of the year, making new friends that already had their cliques, and not knowing who the hell Nsync was when I listened to Hoku. But now that I’ve lived here for like 10 years, developed my own set of friends, and some sort of identity, I feel like I still have that need for everyone to like me. I don’t open myself up completely with most people because of the fear of negative judgment. Is that a bad thing? Naive?

In any case, I don’t see any reason for her to have taken me off her friends list. Unless, she was that person i cut off or flicked off on the freeway and hadn’t noticed but she realized it was me.